Lifting the Cloud

For the sake of my arm that is once again scaly and rough, I hope this works.

Broken Promises

Today I broke a promise I made to myself. Old habits/coping mechanisms die hard.

Time and Tolerance

My take on time is fairly simple. If I like you, whether romantically or platonically, I would generally want to spend time with you. But the time I spend with friends rests on certain conditions. The more aggressive or vexing you are, the less time I can tolerate to spend with you. Alternatively, the more I feel comfortable around you, the more likely I can tolerate you for longer periods. If I am interested in you, expect me to want to spend time with you. It's my dalagang Filipina way of saying, "Hey I like you. Would you like to get to know me better?"

Of course, if I don't like you, i I'm uncomfortable around you, if your personality stresses me out, or if your presence vexes me to a point where I feel like lashing out... I'll avoid you.

You may or may not take my desire to be around you as criticism, but let me try to illustrate my feelings by taking an example from the animal world: I'm like a turtle. I'm slow to warm up to people and I'm mostly fearful of strangers. I take time to embrace people individually because that's really the extent of my capacity. I am patient but my patience has limits. The more you tap on my shell, the more I withdraw. If you try to infiltrate my safe space, and if I have sharp teeth, I could bite.

I Miss You, Part Whatever

She can take over your room, she can take over your chores, she can try to copy your style of cooking, but she'll never be you.

Every dish you used to make, every crease you'd smooth away, every silent tear and quiet wound that you kept a secret for me... I always knew you did it for love. For me.

Now I feel so empty. Because no matter what anyone will say, you remain far away from me.

Diet Pains

The worst part of dieting is the times you forget.

My diet plan is simple. I eat smaller portions to make my stomach smaller, so I won't feel hungry as often, and I'll feel full faster. Based on the feedback I've been getting from people around me, it's been working. Personally, I haven't seen any changes when I look at the mirror. But I do seem to not need as much food recently - which is good, both for my body and my wallet.

My problem is that I sometimes forget.

Take tonight, for example. My mom asked me to go with her to Chelsea Market & Café at Serendra, and of course I was lured by the promise of free food and a promising change in study venue. Alone in my little corner, I ordered my staple café fare (i.e., anything with pesto). My order arrived and I dug in, only to later to feel intense pain radiating from my stomach. In a nutshell, I felt like I was going to burst.

I was eating as much as I used to; the problem is, my stomach cannot take in as much food as it used to.

So there you have it, a painful heads up that my diet plan is actually working.

P.S. I just realized that as I was eating, I was using the spoon to shovel food into my mouth directly from the dish (manners dictate that I should transfer the food into a plate and eat it from there, using a fork). Oops.