Excuses

I hate saying "I'm busy" or "I have a lot of work to do" when I don't. Unfortunately, I have no choice. So long as society thinks of depression as somebody's lame attempt to weasel out of dinner dates or classes or meetings or any other social activities, I have no other way of saying things like:

• I'm dying inside, and I'm thinking of dying on the outside too.
• I slit my wrist the other day and it's not yet healed and I don't want you to see it.
• I'm thinking of cutting my wrists again but making the cut deeper so this would end.
• Everything is not okay and being around you makes me feel like I'm drowning.
• I'm going to spend my day thinking of ways to kill myself without anyone knowing it's a suicide.
• I'm going through a difficult time and the only way I can get through this and get to see you on another day is if you leave me alone and stop pushing.

It's funny how the thought of dying is a less acceptable way of getting out of something than work or dysmenorrhea or traffic. Society is screwed up.