10 May 2013

Undone - A Dodgy Rap

Someone save me from this darkness that devours and consumes
There's a burden to my spirit that I cannot seem to lose
In truth I can't bear sleeping though in truth I cannot wake
This dreariness, a nightmare that I could barely take

This road I'm on is one I've set, I know just where I have to go
This deepening resentment is hurting more than I could ever know
These battle scars that I've acquired from years of conflict I've never won
I'm at a loss, I am quite lost, I unravel, I am undone

Out of control and out of ground, I long to hide, long to be found
A steady mess, a wretched space, I try to fly yet fall from grace
I dream of warmth, I dream of cold, I dream of words I've never spoke
A ray of light is all I ask, the strength to wait for this to pass

Note: This started out as a loosely rhymed poem but ended up a dodgy rap. My thought process befuddles me as well.

04 May 2013

Battle Scars Strike Again

Normally, all I need is the company and conversation of my few real friends to get me out of my moods. Apparently, tonight isn't a "normal" night. I am in a funk. No matter what I immerse myself in these past few weeks, I feel like I'm wrapped in a dreary dark cloud with no means of escape. I tried exercising, I tried eating it out, I tried drinking, I tried retail therapy, I tried seeing my friends - nothing seems to work.

The black girl inside me is thinking "Mm-hmm. Girl, you just gotta get laid." The rational side of me is thinking, "Stop talking to yourself, you crazy fool." I'm not even making any sense now.

I hate being driven to this point of desperation. I know I have other options I have yet to discover, but right now, what else can I do? I'm all thought out. This is my last resort.