So I had another round of battle scars today. And I skipped class, because the mere idea of being surrounded by so many people simply fills me with too much dread. I don't know why I do these things that I do. I don't really know why I'm still doing this either. It's not like I'm actually going to make anyone proud. And it's not like it will make any difference. I'll still be plain old me.
Why do I hurt myself, you ask? Becuase sometimes the pain grows too big and too fast that you feel like you're going to burst and you just have to let it out somehow. Anyhow.
I actually went a little bit too far today, I think. Usually I simply have a lot of scratches on my skin. They sting but they mostly go unnoticed. But this morning I think I went a bit overboard, some of the scratches went too deep and bled. Good thing I only did a few.
For all I know it's just my feeling sick that's causing this. I've barely eaten since last night and I still haven't slept. But, I am well hydrated so that's a good thing. I spent the entire night and day watching an entire series. I couldn't sleep anyway.
So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. Thoughts that I have no right entertaining at this point in time. Thoughts I'm supposed to set aside until I can deal with them. But sometimes they just resurface at the least convenient moments. For example, it could have come back during the weekend when I'm alone and don't need to go to class. But no, it had to be now. Oh what a joke.
So here I am, not mortally wounded, starving but with no mood to eat, playing hooky and alone with my thoughts and my laptop and this darn internet connection that won't let me access my blog.
All I can say is, thank you, internet. For the anonymity you provide. You're the only friend I can tolerate right now. - 6/26/2012 9:41 AM