26 January 2015

Never in Full

For the longest time, I've balanced the strategies of compartmentalization and hedging. While I try to minimize the interactions between the different aspects of my life, I also try to make sure that I never give my all to one thing at once. I've done it for the longest time that I can't recall when I started. As long as I can remember, I've done the same with my thoughts and feelings. Even after deep reflection, I cannot recall a single person to whom I've divulged all my secrets or shared all my worries and still felt comfortable enough to continue that friendship. It's just never been my way of doing things.

But I do fantasize. I dream of meeting someone, someday, who I can fully trust. Someone I can surrender all my pent-up emotions and frustrations to, and who I can give all my love to. Someone who could accept everything about me and not force me to change to fit a mold he's prepared. Someone in whose arms I will always find comfort and assurance, and never judgment or resentment. Someone I've dreamed of all my life.