Originally posted in http://precious127.multiply.com/journal/item/35/Leave-Me-Alone
(Most Multiply posts will be coming from 2009. Forgive the misery in all 2009 reposts.)
These battle scars are proof of my pain. Maybe, just maybe, if I could materialize how much it hurts, the pain would cease. It doesn't matter what's the reason, I don't want to bear my heart out to the world. I just want to breathe again without my chest getting tighter and tighter. Still, all this time, I know the one thing I want, but I can never have it. I had it once, but you cannot insist a square to fit into a circle. One has to change its shape, but that's not the way for people. Right now, if I just had a choice, I'd throw my heart out and feed it to the kids begging on the streets. Hearts are for humans, and humans are social beings. Right now, I just want to be anywhere but here.
Quote for the day.
"I don't know what's sadder. This, or the truth that I actually feel freer and more relieved that it's now over between us."
Not everyone may understand what I'm saying, but the few who do, I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Please don't force me to come out. I don't want to be anywhere but in my own jail cell. I caused this to happen, I dealt the final blow to what marked the most meaningful times in my life. The worst thing about this is that though all this time he insisted I was not a burden, at the end I proved that once again I was right.
Delusion was never good thing, but maybe if I had deluded myself a bit more he would have turned around. But I can't take anymore, so I gave him the reason he needed. My life as I know it is officially over. Please give me time to figure out if I still want to proceed.